Crack Effect
by Kelenas
Summary: Silly one-shot s  in the ME-verse. If taken serious, please consult your doctor or prescription regarding risks and side-effects.


"Tevos! Is it true!" the older asari shouted as she entered the office of the asari Councilor without so much as an 'Excuse me'.

"Matriarch Dirane," Tevos greeted the other woman with a respectful nod. "I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific with your question..."

Standing in front of the desk Tevos was sitting behind, Dirane leaned forward and placed her hands on it, an uncharacteristically eager expression on her face. "The _Newcomers_! The ones the turians almost went to war with! Humans, I think. You just met with their diplomats, right? Do they really have _five_ fingers!"

"... What."

"Do-they-have-five-fingers?" the matriarch repeated her question slowly, completely ignoring Tavos' dumbfounded expression.

"I... yes, I think so, but wha-"

"Eeeeehhh!"

Burying her face in her hands and massaging the temples with her thumbs, Tavos made a mental note to later ask a Spectre – an asari Spectre – to hunt down and destroy any and all potential copies of the security footage showing the interior of her office.

On second thought, better contact the Shadow Broker, too. It really wouldn't do for her species' public image if the entire galactic community – and especially its newest member species – could simply access the Extranet and see a venerable asari matriarch squealing and wriggling like a little child ...

... aaand break out into an impromptu dance of joy.

...

Not even if matriarch Dirane was a _really good_ dancer, even by asari standards.

"Matriarch Dirane," she finally addressed the other asari in an attempt to salvage what little dignity remained after nearly five minutes of this entirely inappropriate routine. "While I am ... glad ... to see your ... _enthusiasm_ regarding the new arrivals, I don't quite understand the reason for it."

"The _reason_?" Stopping dead in her tracks, the matriarch stalked back to the desk and nearly shoved hear hands into Tevos' face.

"Five digits. Five. _Fiiive_," she drawled, wriggling her own fingers for emphasis.

Yes, the asari Councilor reaffirmed her earlier thought, she'd definitely have to order the security footage destroyed by any means necessary. She moved to make a corresponding entry on her omni-tool, when the realization suddenly hit her.

For all the salarians' quick wit, the turians' discipline, the volus' business acumen, the quarians' technical aptitude and the krogans' ... erm ... the krogans' ... alright, she couldn't think of anything positive to say about them.

But for all their mental or physical advantages, there was an area the asari were unquestionably superior to any of them (aside from Biotics and good looks, of course).

Manual dexterity.

It was a simple matter of biology; where most other races had three fingers, the asari had five, meaning they were better at manipulating small objects, and thus very much sought-out for jobs requiring such skills.

Including the extensive Citadel bureaucracy, and its nearly insurmountable mass of digital paperwork, which was an area of work almost entirely dominated by asari like matriarch Dirane, much to their displeasure. The work was mind-numbingly boring to a point even matriarchs found hard to endure, much less matrons or maidens. But the alternative would be to rely on the other Council species', and even the best salarian typists only worked at maybe three-quarters the speed of an average asari.

If these galactic newcomers had the same manual dexterity as the asari though...

"Goddess..." Tavos murmured as she finished the line of thoughts. "Employing them in the bureaucracy as clerks or secretaries would relieve countless asari from paperwork. Give our own people far more options regarding their employment."

It was a very enticing thought. Perhaps she could get a human secretary of her own to push her less important paperwork onto, without feeling guilty about it the way she did with the maiden currently working for her.

However, it evaporated nearly as soon as it came.

"We already tried the same thing with the batarians," she told Dirane, "and you should know how that didn't work out."

"Yeah, but most batarians are either illiterate slaves or insufferable dicks. Those humans can hardly be worse, can they?"

Thinking back to her meeting with the diplomatic team, Tavos slowly shook her head. "No. They seem stubborn and brash, and a little arrogant, but overall more tolerable than batarians."

Leaning back in her chair, the asari Councilor began to tap her finger against her lips in thought. "We'd have to make them part of the Council, though, or getting the clearance to hire them would be more trouble than it is worth, even for less sensitive positions.

"Eh, give it a century or two," Dirane replied with a shrug. "Most likely something will have happened by then that'll give you an excuse to include them."


End file.
